Inner Battles

Well, as you may have noticed, I have not weighed in for a couple weeks. I am dreading my moment of truth, and even though I have pre-paid with Weight Watchers, I am avoiding this moment. This last week I have debated many options; some of which have been:

1-Accept I am fat and go eat at my favorite restaurants to make myself feel better. (I know, a little counter-productive!)

2-Get up from my fall and keep going, but realizing it may take a lot longer and a lot more work than initially anticipated.


I have realized that failure is a part of my journey, and probably not a reason to give up.

I have to thank a certain anonymous person who called me today and gave me lots of motivation! This person called me out of the blue and could relate with my situation. I can't tell you how much it meant to hear from someone going through the same struggles I do and to know I am not alone. I mean, obviously, I am not alone, EVERYONE seems to be trying to lose weight, but, generally, not to the degree I am dealing with. Anyway, this person was truly inspired to call me, and I really appreciate their reaching out to me. Thanks so much. Thanks to her, I think I may have the courage to continue on this difficult journey and not give up.

Bottom line, I am not where I wanted to be, but I am doing better than I would've been if I hadn't been trying. So, it is time to jump back on the saddle and get going again.

My Latest Addiction; My Version of the BLT (with Bacos, not Bacon)

I have many food issues. For example, I hate eggs, greatly dislike milk, hate deli meat, unless it is shaved ham (and then I have to burn it in the microwave)! I also like to melt my ice-cream for 30 secs in the microwave before eating it. Anyway, as I hate deli meat, I love to get the Veggie Delite sandwich at Subway. It is only 8 points for the foot long sandwich, and only 4 points for the six inch.

So, this last week, I decided to buy all the preparations at the store rather than go to Subway a lot this week. However, on my version of the Veggie Delite, you also add Bacos. So, it is sort of like a BLT, but with fake bacon, that is not as fattening as real bacon. I have to say, this sandwich rocks. Who would have thought a Bacos sandwich could be so tasty? However, I am that person that also enjoys melted ice-cream, so maybe it is just my taste buds. (Although my kids kept wanting bites of my sandwich too.) Just in case you are dying to try something fabulous! You may also want to try burned ham via the microwave, or melted ice-cream. So great! Although, with Weight Watchers, I no longer am eating my Blue Bunny, Bordeaux Cherry Chocolate ice-cream that rocked the house. Surprisingly, I am still here! Perhaps just a little less of me!

My Shame!

Well, I have postponed writing this, but it is time to fess up. I gained 3.4 pounds this week. I can't act shocked---I was HORRID with food this week. I am angry with myself for falling down, not once, but almost every day last week! I just see this weight loss thing is going to be quite the battle with myself. Anyway, this week is also going to be hard with Easter, but I have got to stop my "cheating" ways!!! Anyway, I am mortified with myself. The only positive thing this week---I have been 11 weeks in WW, so the fee is now $8/week. Thank goodness since this is not as easy for me as I had hoped. The reality is when you have eaten like crap for 10 years---it is hard to change on a dime! I am not trying to make excuses, it is just ROUGH for me. So, I am determined to keep working and trying. I did work out twice this last week, but I really need to work out at least 5 days a week. I think that will also help me in the food department!

Denise Austin Workouts!

My friend Jennie gave me a fabulous tip! She does the Denise Austin workouts! They can be found on Lifetime, I believe at 7 am. I just put it on my Tivo, and it is only a half hour long, but will be great on a daily basis when I don't workout at the church. I figure there is not any excuse to not be able to do a half hour a day. Especially with TIVO, I can do the workout at my convenience! Dreamy, and no more excuses!!!

Great Weight Watchers Recipes Site

A friend sent me this link which gets you into an incredible amount of great Weight Watchers Recipes. You have to register and sign into the site, but it is well worth it. Thanks for your tip Lisa!

Weight Watchers Recipes

Weigh In

Well, I lost .6 of a pound this week. I guess I will just take that I am moving in the right direction. I have got to be extra good the next couple weeks with Easter treats. I have already given in to eating some of my favorites: the Peeps. My other latest obsession: Orange Tic Tacs. I am seriously obsessed with them. They make me happy. Luckily, they are not too killer in the calorie department. 1.9 calories per tic tac. They are an excellent little pick me up. I read an article today that made me feel a little better. It said that the more kids one has, the more likely they are to be obese. Never mind that I had a weight issue before any of the kids. Anyway, I think being at home, around kids all day, dealing with the mundane, tedious, repititious tasks of the day, really does not help my self control any. I have just got to find other little pick me ups during the day, rather than snacking and food. This is quite the battle. Some days I just want to accept being "fat & happy" because I swear I am a lot more happy being able to eat what I want and feel more carefree. However, in the long run, I will be much happier with the weight loss. Just sharing my random thoughts of the day!

I can't believe we are already under 300 days left in this year!!!

3 steps forward, 2 steps back! (I am frightened, isn't this a Paula Abdul song?)

As I have been saying way too many times this week, food is a dilemma for me. So, I was at Olive Garden last night with some friends. Mixed feelings. Again. I did better than usual. I did not get my usual Olive Garden entree: Manicotti (and I wonder why I have had a weight problem?) Anyway, I didn't do the Manicotti, but still had the salad (with dressing, oops!), 3 breadsticks and one bowl of their soup. So, I did WAY better than I would have in the past, but still EXTREMELY bad for Weight Watchers.

I think that is what I am learning----SLOWLY, to make BETTER choices. I still am not making the BEST choices, but slowly, I am learning to do better than I have been doing for the last ten years. I have the belief that if I keep doing better, I will slowly evolve into someone who can make the BEST choices on a regular basis. It is totally BABY STEPS for me. So, we will see what effect this has on my weigh in tomorrow. That is always the scary part!!! Thank goodness I bypassed "Costa Vida" the other day. That would have really done me in.

Overcoming Obstacles!!!

Wow, last night I felt like an alcoholic passing by the bar. I went to work, for the first time in a while, (which I love), and I used to frequently stop by Costa Vida on my way home from work and grab their fabulous Shredded Beef Burrito (of course SMOTHERED). So, I was going to avoid going past it and go another way home, but I ended up driving by it. I just have to say, it was very painful. My brain kept telling me all types of excuses and reasons why I should get that burrito. It really is just too fabulous for words. (Isn't it frightening how much I love food? Writing about it makes you aware of how bad it really is!) Anyway, I was worried that my hands might just take over and drive into the Costa Vida. But, with much regret and sadness, I drove right on by. It only took 10 minutes of regret, before the regret gave way to feelings of happiness. Then I felt so relieved I hadn't made that huge mistake!!! It felt really good to use some old-fashioned self-control. I didn't know if I had that much self-control in me, but it felt good to see that it is still alive and well--Well, maybe it isn't well, but it is alive!

The good part, is I am learning to be better with my food choices. I have realized, I can probably eat some Costa Vida, if I don't eat much else the rest of the day, or if I use that for my 35 extra points for WW that week. So, maybe next week I can get some if I plan ahead and am not making an impulsive food decision. It scares me how much of my thinking goes toward food. I am hoping to build on good choices and do better and better. I have so many struggles with food. I am hoping the day will come when it will not be so difficult. Unfortunately, I think I have this struggle for life!

Endurance

Well, I went to workout at the church yesterday morning, and that was good. Luckily, Weight Watcher friendly treats were brought to book group today, so that was also helpful, we will see how I do---I get to go work a little tonight, and get to have a girls night with a good friend tomorrow night. I just have to keep steady. It's that "enduring to the end" that I have got to do. Except for me, "enduring to the end" means getting through the end of the day without making bad choices, "enduring to the end" also means through the week, till the next weigh in, and also "enduring to the end" of the 100 pounds I want to lose. It is a constant issue I have to deal with. I think I am doing better at trying to eat healthy overall, rather than eat all these "100 calorie" snacks all the time. Anyway, weigh in is always a good reminder to stay on track!!!