I am a turtle

I am a turtle (not a rock or an island; see James Taylor song for more details), moving quite slow with progress, but hey. Progress is progress, and I am for taking it. I am now down a pant size. For me this is quite significant. YAY! Yeehaw. Maybe one day I will be down to my dream size 16. (I know, I am also frightened by my "dream", but hey, we have got to start somewhere, right?) We shall see. Only time will tell, but I am happy to be moving in the right direction. I think I have also lost weight in my face. I am always glad for less chins, so that is always a good thing. Just had to check in.

It's been a while---

OK, it's been a little while since I have blogged. Whoops. Have I almost lost 100 pounds? No. I am down about 12 pounds from when I started last year. Lots has happened----I have continued to pursue various weight loss options; which I will not discuss in depth. Despite various attempts and methods, I am not too successful.

I was encouraged that I have lost 2.5 pounds in the last two weeks----which is good for me considering Halloween. We shall see how it all goes with Thanksgiving next week. I am grateful that I have not GAINED weight this year. That is an achievement for me. So, looks like you will still be stuck with this fat girl for a while---progress is slow, but maybe one day those mashed potatoes, cheese fries, rice pilaf with shrimp (and a couple touches of buttah), pizza, pasta (with a friendly amount of cheese), won't look so tempting. Until then------

Anyway, it's too bad food is such a good friend. Always there, and always so reliable. For shame.

And for some reason, exercise is not such a good friend. We are not joined at the hip for some reason. Maybe cause it requires effort, self-control, and energy. All commodities I don't have a lot of lately.

Many of my friends have been running marathons. One of my friends said if you can run a mile, you can train yourself to the point of running a marathon. My response, "Oh crap, you have to be able to run a mile?" And you know what else is funny? People actually pay money to run these marathons. And, they are actually really competitive. You can't compete in some of the great marathons if you don't get good times for the smaller marathons. These concepts are so foreign to me, which may be part of my problem.

Anyway, this journey will be a long one, and longer because of my love for the chips/treat aisle of the grocery store. Next time I am at the store, maybe I can pick up some motivation and determination to help me out!

Optical Illusions

Lately it seems that everyone around me is getting smaller. Do you think that is the fact? Or am I just getting bigger, making everyone else smaller? Hmmmm. I will have to muse on that a while!

Fat Girl Fantasies!

Being fat is not very fun, and yes, I have made the choices to get me here, and clearly, I am not that motivated to make "good" choices in the food and exercise department. So, when you fail, make jokes and you will feel better. So, here are some of my "fat girl fantasies" for you:

1-to be a size 16 (some of us reach for the stars, some of us are just reaching for another cookie!)

2-to not have to shop at Lane Giant.

3-one day maybe designers will realize that big girls DO NOT need BIG, floral prints and bright colors. One day someone will be "BRILLIANT" and continue normal clothing into bigger sizes. There will be no "women sizes". Instead, they will just extend the sizes of their "normal clothes". Wouldn't that just be dreamy? That would be much better than current thought---(let's find the most hideous prints and colors and make them into clothes for big girls!) Really, I know what is cute, and what looks good, they just don't have those styles and choices for the "big" girls. If you don't believe me, go check out the big girl section of the store.

4-cap sleeves are not so cute on the big girl. When you got big momma arms, they need a touch of coverage. Designers, please don't give us tiny, little girl arm sleeves ---- we are trying to be respectful of the general population and not require them to look at our arms! Help us on this one!

5-cameras would automatically make you look thin, no matter what angle you take the picture from! C'mon all you techies, can't you figure that one out yet?

5-In my fantasy world, my son would not ask me if I have a baby in my stomach. When I say no, he would not ask me why my stomach is so big. I would no longer have to answer, I am just fat, sorry to disappoint you, but---no baby. Some days I wish I was getting a fringe benefit from a big stomach---but no, I am done with the baby thing!

6-I would love to get in a bathing suit, go swimming, unrestrained, without feeling major self-consciousness. So, for now, my fantasy is that they would have an underground tunnel into one part of the pool, so you could just "show up" in the water, without the "big reveal". Maybe that way my kids could go swimming in a real pool once in a while!

7-I don't really love carnival rides, but it would be nice to not have to worry about being able to fit onto a ride or squashing your child as the ride pushes and pulls you from one side to the other. (Brownies and twinkies have been known to specifically help you deal with this concern!)

8-Could they not come up with a better term than morbid obesity to describe some of us? Seriously, morbid. There has got to be a better word. All the terms all just seem so negative---there has got to be a more kind, loving, sweet way to describe a growing US population! C'mon, they have done it for nearly all other groups, make us a cute little acronym or something. We all enjoy a little denial some days! Help us out on this one!

9-My last fantasy, is that this little, petite, girl that is trapped in my big fat momma body would be able to escape one day. Maybe not anytime soon. Some days she screams to come out louder than other days. What is great, is when you feed her, she shuts up!

More Failure

Well, let's just say that I haven't been doing well in that weight department----I think I am pretty close to the weight I started at! NOT SO GOOD! It is a rough journey for me---self inflicted by my poor decisions, but in this arena, I just really lack self-control. When I do succeed, I feel like it is SUCH a battle. I just don't have all the energy, time, and commitment to succeed in this goal currently----I am looking into some options that may be more realistic for me right now. We shall see----------

Weigh in

OK, I weighed in on my scale at home (which can be off---so maybe it is) but according to the scale, I have lost 14 pounds since beginning this process in January. I am relieved to have not gained weight. I will weigh in tomorrow again, to make sure my scale is not off. Anyway, that motivates me a little to get on track. I was worried that I might be starting from square one. So, I now have made a goal. I am hoping to lose another fourteen pounds (in the short term goal arena). That would make me SOOO happy. This time I am going to try to do it in a more healthy way. Eating 100 calorie snack packs all day is not all that healthy. I was trying to "cheat" and still get the results. I got some results, but had worse and worse cravings. Also, doing it all unhealthy, it just couldn't last. I will try to be balanced a little more this time. Fruits and veggies will be my friend. We shall see how this round goes. The saga continues (I guess as it has for many, many years.)

OK, I have been avoiding the scale, avoiding the truth, for quite a while. It is summer and bathing suits will not be my friend this season, that's for sure. I think I will weigh in tomorrow and see where I stand to begin this "journey" again. I definately fell down hard on my face---and now it is time to face the music and start over. The only thing worse than falling down, is not getting back up. Clearly, it has taken me a while, but I guess I will give it another go. I am scared to see how hard I have fallen down. That will be a journey for tomorrow. Besides, it is night, not a good time to weigh in. If I weigh in tomorrow, at least I should be down a couple pounds from where I am at tonight. I guess I must say goodbye to chips and ranch, lots of beef, and all my naughty pleasures. I just enjoy food so much, and have enjoyed having no limitations on myself for the last couple months.

Maybe I will start Monday to give me some time to motivate myself (and a couple more days to eat chips----let's be real)!

Off for a While

Well, I was failing at the weight loss thing anyway, but for the last month or more, I have been SOOOO exhausted. Listless, really! Finally, I got a blood test on Friday, and found out I am anemic. So, I am officially taking some time off to get myself normalized before I try to lose weight---so you will see me back up and running when this anemia is taken care of. Let's hope that is SOON!

Bootilicious! (and not in a good way!)

There is nothing like your plus-size jeans getting tighter, to remind you that your "I don't care" attitude regarding food, is starting to catch up with you.  Why do I always have to lose steam on these diets---right before Spring--when I really would like to be looking better!  Oh well, maybe this is the "low" I needed to get back plugged in.  My motivation has been less than low.  After a week (OK, who am I kidding---WEEKS) of eating whatever I wanted, I am finally starting to see the consequences.  OOPS!  I guess I go from here!  I am definately feeling a little "bootilicious" right now, and not in a good way!

The Return

So, I finally had to return to Weight Watchers, and weigh in once again. I knew that I wouldn't get good news, but it was time to do the right thing and have some accountability. So, yeah, I did gain 2 pounds----and I really need to actually attend the meeting one of these days, that would be most helpful. Anyway, I am starting to realize that this might not be the year I lose 100 pounds, but I have been doing better overall, and have to look at the positive strides and strive to do better. I just hope I can gain the motivation to actually lose some weight again, rather than hope not to gain weight. My motivation is weak, my will is weak. Not good for weight loss. Let's just hope this is a brief detour. Scary how I have power to decide that, and I worry I may continue to make bad choices. The ugly truth---for now.

Fat Girl Playlist

Sometimes we all just need a little humor in this world, so I had to put together a "Fat Girl Playlist". As you can see, I could use some more songs, so if you can think of any that apply, let me know. This is all in good fun, so don't take it too seriously.

Inner Battles

Well, as you may have noticed, I have not weighed in for a couple weeks. I am dreading my moment of truth, and even though I have pre-paid with Weight Watchers, I am avoiding this moment. This last week I have debated many options; some of which have been:

1-Accept I am fat and go eat at my favorite restaurants to make myself feel better. (I know, a little counter-productive!)

2-Get up from my fall and keep going, but realizing it may take a lot longer and a lot more work than initially anticipated.


I have realized that failure is a part of my journey, and probably not a reason to give up.

I have to thank a certain anonymous person who called me today and gave me lots of motivation! This person called me out of the blue and could relate with my situation. I can't tell you how much it meant to hear from someone going through the same struggles I do and to know I am not alone. I mean, obviously, I am not alone, EVERYONE seems to be trying to lose weight, but, generally, not to the degree I am dealing with. Anyway, this person was truly inspired to call me, and I really appreciate their reaching out to me. Thanks so much. Thanks to her, I think I may have the courage to continue on this difficult journey and not give up.

Bottom line, I am not where I wanted to be, but I am doing better than I would've been if I hadn't been trying. So, it is time to jump back on the saddle and get going again.

My Latest Addiction; My Version of the BLT (with Bacos, not Bacon)

I have many food issues. For example, I hate eggs, greatly dislike milk, hate deli meat, unless it is shaved ham (and then I have to burn it in the microwave)! I also like to melt my ice-cream for 30 secs in the microwave before eating it. Anyway, as I hate deli meat, I love to get the Veggie Delite sandwich at Subway. It is only 8 points for the foot long sandwich, and only 4 points for the six inch.

So, this last week, I decided to buy all the preparations at the store rather than go to Subway a lot this week. However, on my version of the Veggie Delite, you also add Bacos. So, it is sort of like a BLT, but with fake bacon, that is not as fattening as real bacon. I have to say, this sandwich rocks. Who would have thought a Bacos sandwich could be so tasty? However, I am that person that also enjoys melted ice-cream, so maybe it is just my taste buds. (Although my kids kept wanting bites of my sandwich too.) Just in case you are dying to try something fabulous! You may also want to try burned ham via the microwave, or melted ice-cream. So great! Although, with Weight Watchers, I no longer am eating my Blue Bunny, Bordeaux Cherry Chocolate ice-cream that rocked the house. Surprisingly, I am still here! Perhaps just a little less of me!

My Shame!

Well, I have postponed writing this, but it is time to fess up. I gained 3.4 pounds this week. I can't act shocked---I was HORRID with food this week. I am angry with myself for falling down, not once, but almost every day last week! I just see this weight loss thing is going to be quite the battle with myself. Anyway, this week is also going to be hard with Easter, but I have got to stop my "cheating" ways!!! Anyway, I am mortified with myself. The only positive thing this week---I have been 11 weeks in WW, so the fee is now $8/week. Thank goodness since this is not as easy for me as I had hoped. The reality is when you have eaten like crap for 10 years---it is hard to change on a dime! I am not trying to make excuses, it is just ROUGH for me. So, I am determined to keep working and trying. I did work out twice this last week, but I really need to work out at least 5 days a week. I think that will also help me in the food department!

Denise Austin Workouts!

My friend Jennie gave me a fabulous tip! She does the Denise Austin workouts! They can be found on Lifetime, I believe at 7 am. I just put it on my Tivo, and it is only a half hour long, but will be great on a daily basis when I don't workout at the church. I figure there is not any excuse to not be able to do a half hour a day. Especially with TIVO, I can do the workout at my convenience! Dreamy, and no more excuses!!!

Great Weight Watchers Recipes Site

A friend sent me this link which gets you into an incredible amount of great Weight Watchers Recipes. You have to register and sign into the site, but it is well worth it. Thanks for your tip Lisa!

Weight Watchers Recipes

Weigh In

Well, I lost .6 of a pound this week. I guess I will just take that I am moving in the right direction. I have got to be extra good the next couple weeks with Easter treats. I have already given in to eating some of my favorites: the Peeps. My other latest obsession: Orange Tic Tacs. I am seriously obsessed with them. They make me happy. Luckily, they are not too killer in the calorie department. 1.9 calories per tic tac. They are an excellent little pick me up. I read an article today that made me feel a little better. It said that the more kids one has, the more likely they are to be obese. Never mind that I had a weight issue before any of the kids. Anyway, I think being at home, around kids all day, dealing with the mundane, tedious, repititious tasks of the day, really does not help my self control any. I have just got to find other little pick me ups during the day, rather than snacking and food. This is quite the battle. Some days I just want to accept being "fat & happy" because I swear I am a lot more happy being able to eat what I want and feel more carefree. However, in the long run, I will be much happier with the weight loss. Just sharing my random thoughts of the day!

I can't believe we are already under 300 days left in this year!!!

3 steps forward, 2 steps back! (I am frightened, isn't this a Paula Abdul song?)

As I have been saying way too many times this week, food is a dilemma for me. So, I was at Olive Garden last night with some friends. Mixed feelings. Again. I did better than usual. I did not get my usual Olive Garden entree: Manicotti (and I wonder why I have had a weight problem?) Anyway, I didn't do the Manicotti, but still had the salad (with dressing, oops!), 3 breadsticks and one bowl of their soup. So, I did WAY better than I would have in the past, but still EXTREMELY bad for Weight Watchers.

I think that is what I am learning----SLOWLY, to make BETTER choices. I still am not making the BEST choices, but slowly, I am learning to do better than I have been doing for the last ten years. I have the belief that if I keep doing better, I will slowly evolve into someone who can make the BEST choices on a regular basis. It is totally BABY STEPS for me. So, we will see what effect this has on my weigh in tomorrow. That is always the scary part!!! Thank goodness I bypassed "Costa Vida" the other day. That would have really done me in.

Overcoming Obstacles!!!

Wow, last night I felt like an alcoholic passing by the bar. I went to work, for the first time in a while, (which I love), and I used to frequently stop by Costa Vida on my way home from work and grab their fabulous Shredded Beef Burrito (of course SMOTHERED). So, I was going to avoid going past it and go another way home, but I ended up driving by it. I just have to say, it was very painful. My brain kept telling me all types of excuses and reasons why I should get that burrito. It really is just too fabulous for words. (Isn't it frightening how much I love food? Writing about it makes you aware of how bad it really is!) Anyway, I was worried that my hands might just take over and drive into the Costa Vida. But, with much regret and sadness, I drove right on by. It only took 10 minutes of regret, before the regret gave way to feelings of happiness. Then I felt so relieved I hadn't made that huge mistake!!! It felt really good to use some old-fashioned self-control. I didn't know if I had that much self-control in me, but it felt good to see that it is still alive and well--Well, maybe it isn't well, but it is alive!

The good part, is I am learning to be better with my food choices. I have realized, I can probably eat some Costa Vida, if I don't eat much else the rest of the day, or if I use that for my 35 extra points for WW that week. So, maybe next week I can get some if I plan ahead and am not making an impulsive food decision. It scares me how much of my thinking goes toward food. I am hoping to build on good choices and do better and better. I have so many struggles with food. I am hoping the day will come when it will not be so difficult. Unfortunately, I think I have this struggle for life!

Endurance

Well, I went to workout at the church yesterday morning, and that was good. Luckily, Weight Watcher friendly treats were brought to book group today, so that was also helpful, we will see how I do---I get to go work a little tonight, and get to have a girls night with a good friend tomorrow night. I just have to keep steady. It's that "enduring to the end" that I have got to do. Except for me, "enduring to the end" means getting through the end of the day without making bad choices, "enduring to the end" also means through the week, till the next weigh in, and also "enduring to the end" of the 100 pounds I want to lose. It is a constant issue I have to deal with. I think I am doing better at trying to eat healthy overall, rather than eat all these "100 calorie" snacks all the time. Anyway, weigh in is always a good reminder to stay on track!!!

Yeah! I am back on track!!!

Today I weighed in. Someone I know let me know of the "Mom" Weight Watchers Meeting that you can bring your kids too. So, this morning, I took the three youngest with me. We didn't stay for the meeting, since I know I wouldn't be able to get anything out of it with a one, two and three year old by my side. However, the best part was weigh in. I lost 6 pounds. YEAH! Now, I have lost a total of 16.6 pounds. Not as much as I would've liked, but I think I am still capable of losing 100 pounds this year, if I am very careful to stay on track!!! Anyway, it feels good to have success once again, and feel that "my head" is back in the game once again. I felt most of this last month I was derailed!!! Also nice, I am down a pants size!!! That always feels better!!! I better work hard though, only 305 days. Those 60 days have FLOWN by!!! I only have about 5 of those left. So, if I lose 16 pounds every 60 days, then by the end of the year, I will have lost 80 pounds. So, I guess I am not exactly on track. I have got to work harder to reach that goal.

Today Show Appearance

Guess who was on the Today show this morning for their fitness piece? It was Leslie Sansone about power walking. It was great to see Al and all the crew power walking!!! It reminded me of how great power walking is and how easy it is to do indoors. Luckily, I got a great power walk at the zoo yesterday going up all the hills with all three kids in the stroller. Every time I do her workout I feel good. So, I guess it is time to get going again. I have been more active since starting this weight loss kick, but I would like to make it daily rather than 2-3 times a week.

Weigh-In

It was time to weigh in, and I have gained 3.8 pounds. I have mixed feelings. I am mad at myself for my choices of the last month, but another part of me says it could've been much worse. Bottom line, I am up for restarting the challenge. I just need to hustle, be SERIOUS on counting points and writing down all the food I eat. I need to track like noone's business. That is what is going to help me the most. It is time to crack that whip on myself. I am actualy excited for starting anew---once again. This is a war, I have clearly lost many battles, but I do want to win the war!

Mind Tricks!

Talk about thinking errors galore swirling through my head at the moment! (In relation to food that is---well, I am sure they relate to other things too, but forget about it, with the food and weight loss, it is going CRAZY!)

So, even though I didn't want to, and had lots of faulty good reasons floating through my head of why not to go, I did go work out today. Well, I went, but with all 3 kids 3 and under being "fun", and my lack of stamina, not much got done. However, I did get out, do a little, and that is a success for today.

It is amazing the lies we tell ourselves. I thought after eating whatever I wanted in Vegas, when it was time to buckle down again, it would be totally easy, as I would have gotten all my cravings out of the way. WRONG!!!!!! It has been so much harder. That is why I am not so smart with food. It is only common sense that after binging, and lack of self-control, being in control of oneself will be harder. But no, I fall prey to that thought that "if I get it out of my system, than it will be so much easier" when I get going again. Amazing the lies we tell ourselves. It has been rougher than ever, and my motivation is lacking tremendously. It was great to read Lanette's blog (found on the left). It was very motivating. She suggests having a plan after your relapse. She said you need to realize the day after you have made bad choices, is harder. Sounds obvious, and has been true for me, but I have always told myself the opposite. I think that is what makes it so easy to justify having a "bad" day or weekend.

Also motivational, Bon's blog. She compared weight issues to smoking and other habits. She made some very good points. All these have been helpful to me in rectifying my thinking errors and put me back on track. I don't think I am back on track yet, but I can feel my desire to give up diminishing. So, I thank everyone for their help and motivation. It has made a big difference in my world today. I have to say, that is what makes me appreciate the blogging and technology worlds. So much to offer. Thanks! Check out Bon's blog and her posting: Confessions, Consumption, and Counterfeits.

Time to pay the piper!

Crap, I am totally dreading weigh in. It is finally time to be accountable for my choices. It is going to be bad, the question is How bad? Anyway, I will let you know when I weigh in, my scary results. There is nothing better than public humiliation to get you back on track. Seriously, it really does help. I would have probably given up at this point if it weren't for feeling like this is in the universe, and I have to work to keep my goal with that universe. I am going to be drinking lots of water and trying to do my best to be SOOOO careful with my points to make up some! Now it is just getting back up and moving in the right direction. It's rough. I won't lie!!!

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?

Somehow I don't think this phrase applies to weight!!! What a shame!!!

Taking a Break!

OK, my husband and I are going to Vegas this weekend without kids, and so I am taking a break from Weight Watchers for the weekend. My husband is also (from his diet). We don't get many times alone without kids and we totally want to live it up with no pressure---especially FOOD! I just felt I should disclose that I am not just falling off the wagon, I am jumping off with a little excitement! I am sure as I jump back on the wagon on Monday---HEAVIER, it will be harder than ever. Perhaps I will regret my choice then, but for now, I couldn't be more excited. Sorry, these are my true feelings. I know, at this rate, "fat girl" may not be gone by next year. No, I am determined. I have had a lot of crazy events in the last 2 weeks (a trip to Texas, my brother and his wife coming to town--we hadn't seen them for a year and a half, and now this Vegas trip! So, I have known this would be a rough time!) Till next week, see ya' and don't follow my poor example. I am also going to be forgetting about the quote below for this weekend! I am feeling a tad defiant and resentful of the food thing. Can you tell?

A positive quote to motivate!

What you eat in private, shows up in public!!!

Struggling!!!

As my intuitive friend Jen must've picked up on----I am lacking in motivation at the current moment. The food thing has gone from bad to worse. This week has been full of BAD CHOICES! And the scary thing is we are only on Wednesday. On Sunday I had way to much fun at a family dinner with my brother and his wife! You may have seen the Valentine's cupcakes from Costco? Yeah, I couldn't resist. Never mind all the "normal" food I ate that I shouldn't have eaten! Then, on Monday, I had a night with my great friend Angie. We had a blast, and I really enjoyed the food too much! We went out to eat, and I did not hold back! Then, last night we went to Sweet Tomatoes. How bad can that be? Well, just trust me, I really made some poor choices. So yeah, three really bad food days in a row. So, today, my goal is to change that up, and really make good choices.

I did go to work out on Monday, but noone was there. Today, I did go work out, although I was so tired, everything seemed so much harder. Maybe it is all that food I shouldn't be eating! Anyway, I am struggling, but I am going to do well today. That is my current endeavor. I feel like someone in AA. I am going to be working on things hour by hour around here. That is all I can do right now, day by day!

However, I am proud of my man!!! He has been doing his own weight loss program (not Weight Watchers) and he has lost 20 pounds. That is motivating to me. He encourages me so much. Grateful for that!

This Week Summed Up!

Well, I had some successes and failures this week. A success: that I went to work out twice this week. Yesterday I did a "3 Mile" walking workout! So, that is an improvement for me. However, I did make many food mistakes this last week. So, the final result: I lost .2 pounds. Yeah, that is 1/5 of a pound; a lot like last week. However, I am grateful I haven't gained, especially considering our trip to Texas last weekend!!! Anyway, glad to be starting a new week. It is always good to start fresh!!! (Although our romantic "alone" trip to Vegas next week may prove challenging!)

Meet the Chins!

That is me and "the chins" on the far left! This is a picture with me and some of my cousins!!!
OK, so one of my biggest pet peeves of being fat are "the chins." Yes, I am referring to my plural chins. I love to take pictures, so in order to get a picture without "the chins" I get to try to attempt to take pictures at weird angles. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, so on days like today, "the chins" show up! Well, I guess they are always around, but I like to live in denial that they exist. Pictures like this remind me of "the chins" and remind me of my need to lose that weight THIS YEAR! I will be very excited one day to be able to take a picture and see only one chin. After we work on the "chins" we can start to work harder on the rest of that package!!!

Laura, the Maximizer!

Well, I went to the church exercise group today. What is interesting to me, is I don't get all that much done due to the interruptions from my kids, however, in participating in some exercise, it makes me want to be good with food for the day as to not "ruin" any exercise I have done. (Probably since it is such a rare event to exercise in my world!) Anyway, it has been good to exercise today. I feel like my mind is in a better place; feeling more motivation to continue on this weight loss journey!!! So, I guess sometimes my need to "maximize" can be a good thing; especially when it comes to exercise!!! I think I may still pay a heavy price for "my sins" at weigh in, but hey, at least I am feeling back on track!

BTW, Jenny, thanks for your comment, it helped me feel more motivation too. It is definately hard to stay on the wagon. Knowing other people are also struggling, somehow makes it easier to get going again.

Naughtiness!

I totally gave in to sin today!!! At the book club I went to, they had the darn best cinnamon rolls of all time. They were homemade, soft, sweet, and to die for! I know, it is absolutely frightening how much enjoyment comes from food for me. Anyway, I ate one and a half of the cinnamon rolls and then had a couple little valentine cookies. Really bad choices, I know. So, now I have to make up for it. I guess no food for the rest of the day? Is that how you make up for bad choices? For sure I have to go to the exercise group at the church tomorrow. I think after being "bad" in Texas for the weekend, I am having a hard time getting back to my weight loss program. We are also going to Vegas for the weekend in 2 weeks, and I am taking a weight loss break then, so I am sorta' telling myself lies, like I shouldn't try right now---as I will just be naughty again in 2 weeks. But, that is why I do need to be so good right now, to be able to be a little bad in Vegas. My mind is full of food thinking errors. Let me tell you. I have got to get on the good bandwagon again!!!!! I need some motivation. A picture of myself or looking at myself should be motivation enough, but no, that is not enough for me. The pull of good treats tends to be stronger than motivation to lose weight right now.

Weigh-In!

Well, due to our trip to Texas on Thursday, I weighed in a little earlier than usual, on last Wednesday, January 30th. Luckily, I did lose a little weight, but unfortunately it was just that----A TINY BIT! Last week I only lost .40 of a pound.

Anyway, I don't think my trip to Texas helped me in the weight loss arena; we shall see how bad off I am later on this week. I have to be REALLY good this week to make up for the bad weekend. I need to drink lots of water and my brother and sister-in-law suggested a fruit flush today. Basically by eating all fruit, your body flushes out some of those bad choices from the weekend. I did eat grapefruit, but I didn't have any other fruit in the house--so wasn't able to do that completely. Anyway, I have almost been doing this Weight Watchers thing for a month and am happy to have lost 14 pounds in that time. My goal is to lose 10 pounds a month on average. I have got to get motivated to be really good, and really need to add exercise to my regiment!!! I have the tapes, I am just avoiding doing the walking. Tomorrow I HAVE to do it!

One Perspective on Obesity!

An interesting article from the New York Times; my thoughts are: "live and let live." I thought this article discussed an interesting perspective, and I thought some of the blogs written about seemed quite interesting. For me, I do not enjoy being fat, and am really motivated and wanting to lose weight. I also have great respect for those who are happy where they are at! I also was amused by the header of therobust.com which states: "thin people die, too."

By RONI CARYN RABIN
Published: January 22, 2008
Correction Appended

For years, health experts have been warning that Americans are too fat, that we exercise too little and eat too much, that our health is in jeopardy.

Blogs written by fat people — and it’s fine to use the word, they say — have multiplied in recent months, filling a virtual soapbox known as the fatosphere, where bloggers calling for fat acceptance challenge just about everything conventional medical wisdom has to say about obesity.

Smart, sassy and irreverent, bloggers with names like Big Fat Deal, FatChicksRule and Fatgrrl (“Now with 50 percent more fat!”) buck anti-obesity sentiment. They celebrate their full figures and call on readers to accept their bodies, quit dieting and get on with life.

The message from the fatosphere is not just that big is beautiful. Many of the bloggers dismiss the “obesity epidemic” as hysteria. They argue that Americans are not that much larger than they used to be and that being fat in and of itself is not necessarily bad for you.

And they reject a core belief that many Americans, including overweight ones, hold dear: that all a fat person needs to do to be thin is exercise more and eat less.

“One of the first obstacles to fat acceptance is breaking down the question of whether being fat is a choice,” Kate Harding, founder of the blog Shapely Prose, said in an interview. “No fat acceptance advocate is saying you should sit around and wildly overeat. What we’re saying is that exercise and a balanced diet do not make everyone thin.”

Ms. Harding, a 33-year-old yoga enthusiast from Chicago, promotes the idea of health at any size (she is a 16). She started Shapely Prose (kateharding.net) last April, after noticing that posts about fat in her personal blog hit a nerve. Since then, it has quickly become one of the most popular fat acceptance blogs, with an average of 3,710 page views per day, according to Sitemeter, a Web statistics program.

People come in different shapes and sizes, bloggers like Ms. Harding say, and for those who come extra-large, dieting is futile. Many of the bloggers label their sites “no-diet zones.” (Don’t even mention weight-loss surgery.)

“You relapse, and then you go on a diet again, and this time you’re going to do it, it’s really going to be it this time,” Marianne Kirby, a 30-year-old blogger from Orlando, Fla., who writes The Rotund (therotund.com), said in an interview. “And it still doesn’t work, not long-term — you end up heavier than before. And you say to yourself: Why did I fall for this again?’ ”

The blogs have drawn their share of negative, even vicious comments. But for overweight readers, the messages are empowering — and liberating.

“Girlfriend, let me tell you, I am finally coming to grips with myself,” one fan commented on Ms. Harding’s site. “I will always be fat. I accept that now.”

Harriet Brown, a 49-year-old blogger in Wisconsin and an occasional contributor to The New York Times, encourages readers to take her “I Love My Body Pledge” (at harrietbrown.com), in which they promise not to talk “trash” about “how fat my thighs or stomach” are, and not “call myself a fat pig.”

Fat Fu’s anonymous blog (fatfu.wordpress.com) has a ruthless deconstruction of recent research like the “fat friends” study, as well as one of the most comprehensive lists of links to the fatosphere, including online communities, fashions and health sites for fat people. The Big Fat Deal blog (bfdblog.com) suggests 10 ways to be a “body positivity activist,” including “Be yourself,” “Understand that a lot of people are hateful morons” and “Don’t be afraid to order the cheesecake.”

Many of the bloggers are women whose writing has a distinctly feminist flavor, but there are male fat-acceptance bloggers like Red No. 3 (red3.blogspot.com), who says: “See, I don’t have a problem with fat. My body is simply adorned, and I’ll take that.”

But some experts say this sort of message is dangerous and undermines public health efforts to rein in obesity. “We do have to be careful not to put all the blame on the individual,” said Dr. Walter C. Willett, professor of nutrition and epidemiology at the Harvard School of Public Health. But he added, “The large majority of people who are overweight are overweight because of lifestyle.”

The bloggers argue that changes in definitions over time, along with flaws in the body mass index formula, have pushed more Americans into the “fat” and “obese” categories, and they point to provocative studies suggesting that there may be benefits to being overweight, including a large study that found that underweight Americans are more likely to die than those who are moderately overweight.

Several other recent studies on heart patients and dialysis patients have also reported higher survival rates among heavier patients, suggesting that the link between body size and health may be more complex than generally acknowledged. Another study of people over 60 found that being fit has more bearing on longevity than simply being thin.

The bloggers’ main contention is that being fat is not a result of moral failure or a character flaw, or of gluttony, sloth or a lack of willpower. Diets often boomerang, they say; indeed, numerous long-term studies have found that even though dieters are often able to lose weight in the short term, they almost always regain the lost pounds over the next few years.

Ultimately, these bloggers argue, being skinny may have far more to do with the luck of the genetic draw than with lifestyle choices.

“We accept that some people are tall and some people are short,” said Rachel Richardson, 28, of Cincinnati, who writes a blog called The F-Word (the-f-word.org). “Yet we seem to think all people should be thin — it just doesn’t make sense.”

Fat acceptance bloggers contend that the war on obesity has given people an excuse to wage war on fat people and that health concerns — coupled with the belief that fat people have only themselves to blame for being fat — are being used to justify discrimination that would not be tolerated toward just about any other group of people.

“I’m not surprised there are so many of these blogs now,” Ms. Richardson said. “Anti-obesity hysteria has reached a boiling point. Blogging is a way for people to fight back.”

Correction: January 26, 2008


A caption in Science Times on Tuesday about blogs that celebrate fat people omitted the source of an illustration for the blog fatgrrl.com, which said, “Love Your Fat Self.” It was from an article in Utne Reader about obesity that the blog was highlighting on its home page

Next on my list "to try"

Now don't these look just divine! Since I am not the biggest chocolate fan, I prefer these types of cakes! Yumsters! I didn't see these last time I was shopping or they would've been in my stomach by now! I think it is also "genius" that they make them in 3 packs. For some of us fat people, having 3 gives us that feeling of "indulgement." I would much rather have 3 small cakes, than 1 bigger one. I know, it is frightening, but true. Talk about strange head games going on up there in my brain. But for now, we will try to trick my brain rather than fix my thinking errors that exist!!! Maybe that can be next year. Anyway, these treats are also made by "Hostess". So many great options; loving that!!! It's all about having options!

Tasty Treats! (Another Diet Food Review!)

Well, I just cannot resist a tasty treat. These Hostess 100 calorie packs are FABULOUS when you are needing a tasty treat! The box makes the 3-pack look bigger than it is in real-life, they are pretty tiny treats---but still you get 3 for 100 calories, so no complaints from me. The chocolate and the yellow cake are both good, but since I am not the biggest chocolate fan, I prefer the yellow cake. Anyway, they really hit the spot. I prefer these as a treat way more than the "Applebee's Chocolate Raspberry Cake" which is Weight Watcher's Friendly. These little cake treats taste like more of the "real" thing and are less points to boot. So, don't miss out. I am just so pleased that all these companies are coming up with options for those of us trying to lose weight. They are getting better all the time!

Weigh In!

Well, another stressful night---will the weigh in be in my favor or against me? Our stupid "Weight Watchers" scale that I got at Costco is completely unreliable. My husband and I have both noticed. It will give you mixed up results between 10 pounds within minutes. So, I never really know how it is going to go at "the official weigh in." I wore my thinnest skirt (as to help me as much as possible at the weigh in) and walked with trepidation to the scale. To my amazement, I lost 4.2 pounds. Yeah! Maybe it was the skirt. Whatever it is, I am not going to complain. At least I didn't gain. Anyway, it is nice to feel like progress is happening. I have so much to lose, but it does feel good to be moving in the right direction!!!

A Tip from Todd!

Well, my brother-in-law Todd, has lost over 100 pounds over the last year, and is now a lifetime member of Weight Watchers (Maybe he would be willing to share a before and after picture to help us with motivation; hint, hint!)----he had this tip to share:

These are pretty "BA" on the taste buds!
My favorite salty morsel of deliciousness:

Homemade pita chips-
buy the "Kangaroo Pocket" brand pita pockets (whole grain). One pocket is actually a half pita- split it open and cut each half into 4 triangular peices (yielding 8)

Place these on a cookie sheet and spray with PAM olive oil and sprinkle lightly with sea salt, pepper and garlic powder.

Bake at 350 for about 6 minutes and then flip. Bake for 5 or 6 more minutes until browned and crunchy.

All 8 are 1 point! Pure deliciousness and the perfect fix for a salty fix. I will eat these with a little tuna salad (made with light mayo). Jen loves them with fat free cottage cheese. If you really wanna live- pick up a jar of julliened sundried tomatoes in olive oil and mix a spoonful with fat free creem cheese....That there is GOOD EATIN' as we say in Texas.

Anyone recognize my Sombrero hat to the left?

Only those lucky souls getting to meet me our freshman year at BYU had the lucky opportunity to meet me in this infamous red sombrero hat. It definately made quite the first impression, but not so sure that it was a favorable one. Some days I really miss all that freshman year fun! Great times!